When I first starting thinking about speaking a truth of mine as a Yoga Teacher, I was thinking how do I say I’m ok with not doing every single yoga pose but more importantly not at the expense of my body.
I first thought about it in critical terms in regards to myself and the yoga community around me and I realized that it is the community that helped form the teacher I am. The amazing teachers who have shared their knowledge and skills and were willing to give of themselves and teach me is part of why I am here.
I have been doing yoga for about 15 years and teaching for 8 of those years. When I first started practicing I was going to some pretty tough Vinyasa classes. I use to feel great after these classes and about 10 year in, I went to a level 2/3 Vinyasa class and seriously felt like crawling out. My body did not feel good and in fact it was hurting. This was the start of the big shift in me, physically and emotionally.
It seems the “rock star teachers” are the ones who can do what I call all the “circus tricks”, the teachers who can contort their bodies and do some unbelievable moves. It’s a beautiful thing to watch but I am not one of those teachers. It took me a few years of feeling ashamed because I could not do every single yoga pose, to speak that truth. I felt like I was not good enough or ever going to be one of those teachers. I feel it important to reiterate that I think it is truly amazing what these amazing Yogis can do and I am literally in awe. There was always something in me that kept asking why, why am I not able to do this pose or that pose, why am I not trying or is it something that my body keeps pulling back from because it does not feel right for me? I struggled with these feelings and still do with finding a balance between working at my yoga practice and not doing some of the much harder intense poses at my bodies’ risk. I always want to keep trying and improving myself. It has also been an interesting internal journey because when I first started teaching, I felt like I was omitting a truth, like I should be saying I can’t do all those intense pretzel wrapping, contorting, balance on one hand kinds of poses, however I did not say anything.
There have been some powerful messages from situations and people around me. I went to a four part workshop and the teacher with whom I was and still am in awe of was hurting and nursing an ongoing injury. I can’t tell you how many people in the past few years have said to me how many yoga teachers and students have injuries. These kinds of things kept happening over and over. There is another part of the overall theme for me, which is I am aging and my body does not want the same things. At the same time, I started having private clients, students in group classes and friends tell me that their bodies were hurting and they were afraid to go to yoga classes and on some level I understand why. If your incredibly inflexible and have aches and pains in your body, you might be afraid to go to a yoga class in a studio.
One of my points here is that I think we are underserving a big part of the population that needs yoga and stretching so much. My aging body needs much gentler things and stretches to feel good. I am ready to speak this truth of mine and not be ashamed but be proud of myself for listening to what my body really wants and needs. I realize that it is a strength not a weakness or omission that I don’t do every yoga pose. I realize that it is much better to live in a body that feels great every day. I feel like if I can help one person understand they do not need to be flexible or contort themselves to have a safe, feel good yoga practice speaking up is worth it.